The abortion diet

Above is a screenshot of an ad. I took it a few weeks ago. You've seen similar. There is one rule you must obey, and you'll get a flat stomach, you'll get a boyfriend, you'll get married, have kids, your life will be fulfilling etc etc etc... All you have to do is enter your credit card number here.

Anyway, I was looking at this advert, and I had a thought. The woman in the "before" picture looks PREGNANT. Seriously, I'm not saying fat, I'm saying pregnant.

So the good news. You don't have to enter your credit card number, and become the victim of online-weight-loss-fraud. You can just ask me, I know the secret to a flat stomach. Abortion. Removes infants and leaves you with that flat stomach you've always dreamed of!!

Advertising fail.

Swine flu

So yeah, apparently I have it. The doctor is reasonably sure I do, I wont be 100% sure until sometime next week... but it is hiiiiiiiighly likely.

So I've been stuck at home feeling crap since Tuesday. How does swine flu feel? Just like normal flu. Don't believe the hype. Nothing special happens. I have not yet vomited up a pig (although I am still holding out for that... it would be awesome.... especially if it comes out yelling "four legs good, two legs bad").

However, swine flu appears to have affected my taste in music. Well, being sick I suppose, not specifically swine flu... I've spent the week listening to Cat Stevens, which is something I rarely do. I broke out an old Jet album, and I found this crazy Brazilian group called "Escarlatina Obsessiva", who are reasonably good. When I get back to school, I shall distribute their music to all interested.

In other news, being sick all the time is severely reducing the remaining available time for buying formal shoes. Every time I am going to go and do it, I get sick. Chest infection, then swine flu.... I'm wondering what is next? Perhaps I shall contract SARS before next weekend. I would just get a cold or something... but the thrill has worn off... Swine flu ruined regular diseases for me. Once you go pandemic, baby, you'll never go back *wiggles eyebrows mercilessly*


In other, other news, my room seems to be filled with ants. I have no idea how all of these bugs keep getting into my house. At certain times every year, the house fills with bugs. Most of the time, no bugs. Occasionally.... zillions of bugs. They all seem to gravitate towards the bathroom, where they proceed to get stuck in the bathtub, or rinsed down the shower drain.

Which makes me think, which would be a worse way to die? Trapped in a gigantic white basin until you starve or dehydrate, or flushed down an endless slimy tube, by a giant naked woman wielding a shower-head? Both are reasonably odd, but which is the more horrific option?

A side-effect of school

I've been trying to decide on a poem to use for my photostory later this year, and in the process I've encountered some interesting poetry. I think that occasionally I shall place some of this poetry here, on my blog. If I come across something particularly good, here it shall end up.

Anyways, a poem by William Blake, entitled "A divine image".


Cruelty has a human heart,
And Jealousy a human face;
Terror the human form divine,
And secrecy the human dress.

The human dress is forged iron,
The human form a fiery forge,
The human face a furnace seal'd,
The human heart its hungry gorge.