Men behaving badly

I must apologise in advance for this blog. It will be rather long, and in some places, rather icky. If you wish to stop reading, you may. I might reveal a little too much information about myself... I also will probably get rather angry (not that this is unusual), and, depending on your gender, and how badly you've been behaving, some of this anger may be directed at YOU.

So here goes... Men are bad at going to the toilet. There, I've said it. I could be accused of bias, but let me say this... I worked for almost a year in a job where I was required to clean toilets, male and female. The male toilets were ALWAYS worse, no exception. Granted, the female toilets used more toilet paper, but I never once had to clean urine from the floor in the female toilets. I never had to scrape shit off of the walls of a female toilet, and I never had to remove copious amounts of pubes from the sink of a female toilet. These wonderful things all seemed to happen in the male toilets though.

Anyways, my rant is not really about shit on walls, or pubes in sinks. However, my rant does involve the 'urine on the floor'. It's also about urine on the seats, urine on the walls, and leaving the toilet seat up. No offense guys, but in the male toilets, there was ALWAYS urine on the toilets, the floor, the walls, and occasionally the ceiling (which was kind of amazing, actually, but I digress). When I've had guys come to stay at my house, or when I have stayed at theirs, frequently the seat will be left up, and there will be urine ON rather than IN the toilet bowl.

I conversed with a man about this. Apparently, sometimes it's hard to aim. Sometimes, it just goes out in the wrong way. Sometimes there are drips, and the toilet seat needs to be up so that the urine goes into the toilet and not on the seat. For a moment, I thought to myself, 'fair enough'. Not for long though. Men have external genitalia. You guys have something to hold and point, you can actually aim. Women don't have that. I decided that if I could pee standing up, without the cool hand-held aiming device you have, then you should be able to also. I tried, and I succeeded. I, a woman, can urinate whilst standing up, WITH THE SEAT DOWN. That's right gents, I didn't even need to raise the seat.

This experiment has strengthened my resolve regarding this issue. If you are not coordinated enough to urinate into a toilet bowl, you are NOT coordinated enough to drive, and should have your license taken away and cut up with scissors. Urination is not rocket science. Heck, you even have the ability to POINT AND AIM. I don't, and I'm doing a better job than a hell of a lot of you.

Now, to my second point. If you are un-coordinated enough to urinate on the seat/toilet/floor/walls etc, what is the goddamn issue with picking up a piece of goddamn toilet paper, and cleaning up your goddamn urine!! Jesus Christ!! If I accidentally urinated on someone's floor, damn straight I'd clean it up. It's NOT DIFFICULT!! PICK UP SOME TOILET PAPER, OR A TISSUE, WHATEVER IS AT HAND, AND CLEAN UP YOUR DAMN MESS!! Seriously!! What kind of person urinates on something belonging to someone else, looks at it, and then things "eh, I'll leave my urine there for the next person to sit in". I'll tell you what kind of person does that, a BAD PERSON.

When I'm supreme overlord of all the Earth, I'll bring in compulsory testing for all urine found on toilet seats, floors, walls, and ceilings. The people found to have urinated in a place other than the toilet bowl who have not cleaned their urine up will be sentenced to a lifetime of septic tank cleaning, so they can finally learn how unpleasant it is to have to deal with other people's excrement and urine!!

SO ANGRY. SO VERY, VERY ANGRY!

There, it's all out of my system. But be warned, if you EVER are in a toilet before me, and I notice that you've left urine on the seat, or have left the seat up, I WILL chase you, catch you, and place your head in the bowl. No exceptions.