EAT THE FREAKIN' LEMON SLICE

Okay, one of the major television networks that operates in my area has bumped "the bold and the beautiful" up to 6pm, from something like 4am... It was a choice of that, or a gardening show, so I thought, what the hell, I need a laugh. And a laugh I did have. A laugh and a half, as my grandmother would say.

Here's pretty much how the episode went...

Donna is attacked in her home. She tearfully calls her sister from her car, as she flees to her secret cabin, and bitches for a bit. Her sister has an obsession with her former mother in law, Stephanie, and assumes that she set the attack up. She goes to Donna's house, and totally corrupts the crime scene. She finds Stephanie's keys in the door, and rubs her hands all over them, destroying any usable fingerprints and replacing them with her own, so that the police will probably assume she put the keys there, or that they were never there. Instead of then calling the police, she calls Stephanie, and Stephanie's son, Ridge, her ex-husband. She has a bitch to Stephanie, who obviously didn't do it, when Stephanie gets a call from her mother, who looks younger than her. Apparently, Stephanie's sister Pam hasn't been talking her psych meds for months, and none of the family have noticed. Greeeeat family support network you've set up there guys...
Anyways, we cut to Donna, who has arrived at the cabin. Pam runs in, wearing fishing gear and carrying a fishing rod and a picnic basket. It's pouring outside, but somehow her hair is dry, and her clothes only have a few drops of water on them. Pam offers Donna some lemon slice.

Pam: Lemon slice?

Donna: What? You think you can offer me your lemon slice and make things better? It's too late Pam.

P: It's never too late Donna, I want us to be friends.

D: You always have your lemon slice, do you carry it everywhere with you, and pull it out to solve all your problems? It's not going to work this time Pam, not this time.

P: It's what I do! I offer people a piece of home and friendship in the form of homemade lemon slice! It's all I know!! When you insult my lemon slice, you insult me as a person Donna, you insult me so deeply. When you insult my lemon slice-

D: ALRIGHT, I'll take your lemon slice.

(Pam gives Donna a slice of lemon slice.)

D: Actually, Pam, I don't want your lemon slice! I don't like you, and I don't like your SLICE. I hate you Pam, and I hate your lemon slice. (Donna turns to the window) You can't ever fix this Pam. (Donna turns back) Pam? Where did you go?

(Pam emerges from the back room carrying a shotgun)

D: Pam... Pam... What...

P: (whispers) You should have taken the slice.... Donna....

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Anyways, I laughed.