Save the planet

Let's face it, we are fucking up our home. It kinda stinks, no? Want to do something about it? I do... But those solar cars are so goddamn expensive....

The answer? CLAM POWER!!!1!11one!!!1

Know how clams move about the place? They suck in water and then shoot it out and propel themselves along.

Everyone should buy a clam. A huge clam. Biggest clam you can find. Heck, let's give HGH to the clams to make them ginormous! Sit in the ocean on your clam, in your clam saddle with your clam harness and clam helmet and elbow pads and wait... In no time you'll be shooting off to god-knows-where!! Sound exciting?

I mean, sure, cars are more accurate. If you want to travel to aunt Sophie's cottage, a car will get you there first time usually. A clam could shoot off in any direction whatsoever, it might take you 50 years to get there, you might die before you reach your destination, but that's all part of the fun!! It's a small price to pay for saving our planet, right??

This kind of reminds me of those energy-saving light bulbs. Sure, you can have a regular light bulb that works fine, but you're a horrible person. On the other hand, you can have an environmentally friendly light bulb like the one in my bathroom, and you will have virtually no light until it's warmed up, which will take 70 goddamn hours, and when you turn it off, the light will glow a freaky green for 5 more hours, so if it's in your bedroom you have fuck-all chance of sleeping.

On second thought, fuck the planet. I'll move to Mars. The god, not the planet.

Is this some new fashion or what?

Everyone is tearing the labels off of their soft drinks now. Why?

Is it fashionable? Are you all ashamed of what you are drinking? Don't you want people to know that you're drinking diet coke?

I am actually rather confused about all of this. Isn't it just a waste of time? Why does everyone do this? It's absolutely crazy. It doesn't make you look cooler, it just makes you look like you've had the drink for the past 5 years, and it's all flat and gross and the label has fallen off.

Puzzled....

Pray for me...

I have an english presentation today that I haven't done... And my teacher is a... well, thats best left unsaid.
Also, I'll give a shout out to someone called Jacob... I think. I forget what his name was... but apparently he may read this at some stage... whoever he is...
A word of advice Jacob, if you ever find yourself trapped in a shitty twilight book, and a girl called Bella is hanging around, shut her down real quick. She's a stupid, stupid excuse for a book character.

Boots.

A failed blog attempt. Also, this appears to be either blue and underlined, or a link.

I've failed.

Formal dress

I'm going to buy a formal dress sometime in August or thereabouts. Early August or late July. Just in case I gain a million-billion-gazillion kilos before then... Imagine how annoyed I would be if I bought the dress now and then had to develop last-minute anorexia in order to wear it....

I'm proud of my level of achievement

Good news everybody. No, I'm not a character on futurama, but I did eat a whole whopper today. With cheese.

I've never managed it before, and I feel rather proud of myself. Of course, I'll gain a gajillion-zillon-bajillion kilos, but heck, it was wonderful.

Possibly the best thing I've ever eaten. The burgers are better at Hungry Jacks.

Bullshit in the simplest form

I hate hearing the christians argue that their god gave us all free will when they hear the accusation that he is a bad guy. I am truly sorry to have to rant about this, but I hear this too much, and I need to make this clear.

Your argument has a somewhat large hole in it, and that hole is hell.

If I put a knife to your throat and say "I'm asking you to give me that necklace. You don't have to, you have the free will to decide not to if that is what you desire, but if you don't give it to me, I'll slit your throat and leave you bleeding in the gutter.", you technically could say that you have free will to make the choice, but really, you have to admit that there isn't much of a choice. God, if he were real, would be doing the exact same thing with hell. He gives you the choice, you can love and worship him, or you can decide not to. It's your choice. However, unless you chose what he wants you to choose, you will burn in hell for all eternity, subject to torments the human mind cannot imagine.

Now, what was it you were saying about free will?