To Katy Perry

You kissed a girl. You liked it. That's nice. I didn't need to hear about it on the radio constantly.

I felt the need to clear a few things up.

Firstly, you kissed a girl, you liked it, the taste of her cherry chapstick. FYI, cherry is the most disgusting flavour of... well... anything. I have nothing against cherries, the fruit with the highest level of attached sexual innuendo (which is probably why you chose it), but the artificial cherry flavouring in chapstick, and just about anything else that is supposed to be "cherry" tastes like cough syrup. And not the nice cough syrup, that stuff you can drink by the gallon in order to forget your problems. The bad cough syrup. That god-awful, sickly, blunt cough syrup, that makes you kneel over the toilet and dry-retch for an hour.

Secondly, you hope your boyfriend don't mind it? First thing I'd like to do is to compliment your poor English. Although, it probably wasn't your English per se, as I'd be willing to bet my britches that you didn't write your one popular song all by your lonesome. Next thing, your boyfriend wont mind it, I guarantee. Unless he is a member of the Westboro Baptist Church, in which case, he'd lynch you. But really... even as he was lynching you, he'd still probably be thinking about how hot it was. Guys tend to like that kind of thing, therefore, you needn't have filled your song with several lines (well... all the same like but repeated many times) about how you are worried about your boyfriends reaction.

Thirdly, apparently all of this is not a big deal, it's completely innocent. Making out with a girl at a party, while off-your-face on god only knows what. Innocence. Somehow, the two don't equate in my mind. No idea why...

But on a nicer note, I'm glad that you kissed a girl, and that you enjoyed the overall experience. Suggestion: Go back to your party and get busy kissing girls, off of the airwaves, and out of unsuspecting ears, thank you very much.