But I just can't keep it to myself!!!

I get sick of people trying to share their religion with me, really I do. Is it that hard to understand that I've heard about your religion before? I've heard about it A LOT, I've read about it, I may have even once been a part of it, and now I have chosen not to participate in it. Why must you badger me about it?

I've heard a lot of religious folk say that they just can't keep it to themselves. Their god is so great, he makes them so happy... they just can't help but share it with everyone, regardless of if they actually want to hear it or not.

I've come up with a solution. Think of your religion like your left testicle. That's right, your left testicle. Your left testicle is useful to you, it probably makes you happy, you're glad that you have this left testicle, and you cannot imagine life without it. You might even be proud of this testicle. However, it really isn't appropriate to knock on people's doors and then display your left testicle when they answer. It isn't appropriate to stand on a street corner shouting about your testicle, and giving people pamphlets with information and pictures. It isn't appropriate to have pictures and information regarding your left testicle on public property, and it isn't appropriate to teach little children about your left testicle in a science classroom. The only time it IS acceptable to show someone your left testicle is if they consent. They might say to you "Hey, you, I'd like to see your left testicle please", or something to that effect. Or, you might ask "Hey, you, would you like to see my balls?", and they may reply with a yes. THEN it is okay to whip out your hairy left nut and put it on display.

It's the same with religion. Sure, YOU probably find the comparison between a testicle and your religion offensive. They are unrelated, and your religion is wonderful, whereas testicles look strange. However, this isn't about what you think, it's about what everyone else does. Have you considered the possibility that I, or other people, may find your religion unappealing? To us, whiping out your religion and showing us whenever possible is kind of like whipping out a testicle and showing us. We really don't want to see it (or at least I don't), and we don't want to constantly hear about it, regardless of how wonderful it is, how happy it makes you, or how proud you are of it. You're making us feel uncomfortable, and you come across as an inconsiderate jerk (just as you would if you started waving your testicle about in the street, where kids can see you). If we really want to see your testicles, we'll ask you, just as if we really want to hear about your god/s, we'll ask you.

Nice guys finish last

Oh, girls only ever date "bad boys". They won't date me because I'm a "nice guy".

I have some news for you. This is BULLSHIT. Want to know the real reason why girls don't go on dates with you self-styled "nice guys"? It's because 99.99% of the time you are socially awkward and cannot carry a decent conversation.

Note, here I am not talking about guys who are nice. I'm talking about "nice guys". Guys can be nice without being the kind of guy that repels every woman within a 500m radius, but a "nice guy" is totally different.

I can't really speak for ALL women, but I can speak for myself. I want a guy who can carry a decent conversation. I want a guy who is smart. I want a guy who can crack jokes at appropriate times. However, I really DO NOT want a socially inept man who doesn't understand how a conversation works, and who screams "CREEPY LOSER" without even opening his mouth.

And this is why the Southern Hemisphere is fantastic

If geographical areas were drugs, Australasia would be marijuana, and the US would be alcohol. Australia and New Zealand just sit around spreading the love, surfing, laughing at EVERYTHING and eating corn-chips. The US is totally fine, until one tiny thing sets it off, at which point it goes crazy, killing or maiming everything in it's path, possibly with the aide of an SUV.

Example, US cops VS New Zealand cops. I'll post links to the videos after a quick explanation.

US cops: Sprint up to a random man and smash him into a wall, leaving him in a coma. The man was innocent, and had no connection to any crimes. Someone mistakenly identified him as a suspect in a minor assault. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9llvTQn8v-c&feature=channel

NZ cops: A guy tried to steal a car, and he told the police that he did it for money to buy food. The police officer concerned then gave him advice regarding pie temperature, and blowing techniques which would prevent pie/mouth burn (And if your mind is in the gutter after the 'blowing' comment, kill yourself you filthy sexual deviant!). http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T2NhQmZ3S6E

See for yourself. Aren't you glad you don't live in the US?

Oh Dear....

Channel 10 just described Good Charlotte as a "supergroup". I was momentarily confused, before the laughter started.

New hate crime laws

In the US, there's a lot of talk about new hate crime laws. Mostly on the part of fundamentalist christians, who say that these laws will block their freedom of speech, and freedom of religion.

Apparently, hate is okay when it's part of your religion.

Here's a tip.... if you don't want to be accused of hate crimes, screaming "DIE FAGS DIE" at every available opportunity probably isn't a good idea.

I get it, it's your religion. However, that does NOT mean that it isn't hate. If my religion involved hate of black people, should I be exempt from hate crime laws? Should it be okay for me to bar blacks from marrying, or holding certain jobs, or joining the military? No. Even if it's my religion, it's still hate. Perhaps, if you're sick of having christianity accused of being hateful, join a less hateful religion. Seriously, your holy book is like Hate 101. Why are you surprised when people point that out? Haven't you read it??

Men behaving badly

I must apologise in advance for this blog. It will be rather long, and in some places, rather icky. If you wish to stop reading, you may. I might reveal a little too much information about myself... I also will probably get rather angry (not that this is unusual), and, depending on your gender, and how badly you've been behaving, some of this anger may be directed at YOU.

So here goes... Men are bad at going to the toilet. There, I've said it. I could be accused of bias, but let me say this... I worked for almost a year in a job where I was required to clean toilets, male and female. The male toilets were ALWAYS worse, no exception. Granted, the female toilets used more toilet paper, but I never once had to clean urine from the floor in the female toilets. I never had to scrape shit off of the walls of a female toilet, and I never had to remove copious amounts of pubes from the sink of a female toilet. These wonderful things all seemed to happen in the male toilets though.

Anyways, my rant is not really about shit on walls, or pubes in sinks. However, my rant does involve the 'urine on the floor'. It's also about urine on the seats, urine on the walls, and leaving the toilet seat up. No offense guys, but in the male toilets, there was ALWAYS urine on the toilets, the floor, the walls, and occasionally the ceiling (which was kind of amazing, actually, but I digress). When I've had guys come to stay at my house, or when I have stayed at theirs, frequently the seat will be left up, and there will be urine ON rather than IN the toilet bowl.

I conversed with a man about this. Apparently, sometimes it's hard to aim. Sometimes, it just goes out in the wrong way. Sometimes there are drips, and the toilet seat needs to be up so that the urine goes into the toilet and not on the seat. For a moment, I thought to myself, 'fair enough'. Not for long though. Men have external genitalia. You guys have something to hold and point, you can actually aim. Women don't have that. I decided that if I could pee standing up, without the cool hand-held aiming device you have, then you should be able to also. I tried, and I succeeded. I, a woman, can urinate whilst standing up, WITH THE SEAT DOWN. That's right gents, I didn't even need to raise the seat.

This experiment has strengthened my resolve regarding this issue. If you are not coordinated enough to urinate into a toilet bowl, you are NOT coordinated enough to drive, and should have your license taken away and cut up with scissors. Urination is not rocket science. Heck, you even have the ability to POINT AND AIM. I don't, and I'm doing a better job than a hell of a lot of you.

Now, to my second point. If you are un-coordinated enough to urinate on the seat/toilet/floor/walls etc, what is the goddamn issue with picking up a piece of goddamn toilet paper, and cleaning up your goddamn urine!! Jesus Christ!! If I accidentally urinated on someone's floor, damn straight I'd clean it up. It's NOT DIFFICULT!! PICK UP SOME TOILET PAPER, OR A TISSUE, WHATEVER IS AT HAND, AND CLEAN UP YOUR DAMN MESS!! Seriously!! What kind of person urinates on something belonging to someone else, looks at it, and then things "eh, I'll leave my urine there for the next person to sit in". I'll tell you what kind of person does that, a BAD PERSON.

When I'm supreme overlord of all the Earth, I'll bring in compulsory testing for all urine found on toilet seats, floors, walls, and ceilings. The people found to have urinated in a place other than the toilet bowl who have not cleaned their urine up will be sentenced to a lifetime of septic tank cleaning, so they can finally learn how unpleasant it is to have to deal with other people's excrement and urine!!

SO ANGRY. SO VERY, VERY ANGRY!

There, it's all out of my system. But be warned, if you EVER are in a toilet before me, and I notice that you've left urine on the seat, or have left the seat up, I WILL chase you, catch you, and place your head in the bowl. No exceptions.

Excuse me, sir, your stupid is showing!!

Remember that swimmer guy in the US who got caught smoking marijuana? Michael Phelps. He was in a contract with Kellogs. You know the type of thing... he lets them put his picture on cereal boxes, and they give him money. Everything is hunky-dory, or, it WAS, until he was caught smoking marijuana. Kellogs refused to renew his contract, saying that his behaviour was not what Kellogs wanted to be associated with.

UMM... HELLOOOOOOO?!?!

Kellogs makes corn flakes, fruit loops, rice bubbles, various cartoon-themed cereals, plus many snack bars etc. Stoners are like, their main consumers!! Why would you want to drive them away?! Why would you want to distance yourself from them? Most of the people who buy cereal are people with the munchies!!

Stupid! Stupid, stupid stupid!

Stupid!

Interactive blog post, away!!

I'd rather like you all to comment in response to this post, if that's alright. I recently had something incredibly weird happen to me, and I'd like to hear of incredibly weird things which may have happened to you. Anyways, here we go, strap on your seatbelts ladies and gents.

I went to McDonalds. I was sitting there, drinking my beverage, and conversing with an associate, when all of a sudden, a large group of people strolled into the establishment. They were all young guys, probably in their 20's. One of them asked if we could take a photo of them, and we said yes. He then produced a box from his bag, and told us to wait whilst he put on his, wait for it...

STRAWBERRY EDIBLE CROTCHLESS GUMMY PANTIES.


I had no idea these things even existed. I mean, I've heard of edible panties, and crotchless panties (which, incidentally, are the most stupid thing on the planet. Really, what's the point? If you want an exposed crotch, wouldn't you just take the underwear off???), but I've never heard of edible crotchless gummy panties, let alone ones in strawberry flavour.

Anyways, we waited while the guy assembled his panties (apparently, they were something like a DIY panty kit... how... ikea-esque...) and we watched as he put them on his head/face, and stood with the rest of the group of men, some of whom were also wearing undergarments on their heads (albeit less disturbing ones). They also were all wearing tourist-y shirts proclaiming how awesome Adelaide is, which we all know is rubbish, right? :P

We took the photo, and then the man thanked us, and offered us a lick of his panties. We said no. Strangely enough, I've never felt the desire to eat undergarments. Or lick them. Or buy ones without a crotch. Some people may be into that I suppose, but I'm not. Even if I was.... I wouldn't lick the edible crotchless gummy panties of a STRANGER, who had bead wearing them on his HEAD.

So then the men left. An employee ran out and wiped down the table where the panties were assembled. I kept the box, as a momento, and I learned a few things...

1) Some people are willing to pay $14.00AU for strawerry edible crotchless gummy panties. What a rip off. You could buy a bag of gummy lollies for about $2, and then weave them into underwear if you really wanted to. Those men were totally HAD by whatever store they purchased these from.

2) Only buy strawberry edible crotchless gummy panties if they are LOW CARB. The box specifically says that these are low carb panties (never thought I'd put those words together in a sentence...). Obviously they are designed for the health-conscious sex-fiend among us. Really, if you wanted healthy... why not make undergarments out of tofu? Or lettuce?

3) People in advertising are IDIOTS. From reading the back of the box, I gather that this hilarious abomination is marketed at women. It's full of things like "Turn YOURSELF into a tasty treat", and "...the sexy way to satisfy YOUR lover's sweet tooth". For something marketed at women, there are an awful lot of naked women on the box. If this box was sitting in a room of other stuff, women would be drawn to the other stuff, and men would be drawn to this box. It's the kind of thing men generally buy. Confusing? Yep.

4) Censors are idiots. The hole in the crotchless panties is censored, yet there is a GIANT NAKED LADY on each side of the box, and the rest of her is not censored at all. In case you missed that, there are NAKED LADIES. Censor fail.

5) American's deserve their current financial woes. You know why? They don't do their damn jobs. On the bottom of the box it clearly says "Made in Thailand. Printed in China. Assembled in the USA. You might recall, but the poor fellow who purchased these had to assemble them himself. The lazy American tards at the factory probably were just sitting back complaining about Obama being a "filthy moslem half-breed nigga" instead of DOING THEIR JOB. Go USA!! You certainly are #1... at making me laugh.


And on a small side note, I've been contemplating getting a barcode tattooed on my person. If I do, I'll cut the barcode out of this box, and request that THIS barcode is tattooed on me. That way, if I'm ever out somewhere and some checkout assistant is all "Ohhh can I scan your barcode and see what comes up?", I'll end up giving him nightmares. :D

-----

ANYWAYS, here comes the interactive part. I was sitting in stunned silence after all of this had occured, and I realised, this is NOT the oddest thing that has happened to me whilst in a McDonalds establishment. Please comment this blog (that's the interactive part) with the oddest thing(s) which have happened to you in a fast food establishment. I'll love you for it.

Things I've learned from TV adverts

If you breed cows and sell Angus beef to McDonalds, you will become incapable of smiling (or, in fact, incapable of not grimacing).

Allergy medication, specifically, claretyne, makes you really good at cricket, and paralyzes your family and friends.

People like to buy Mitsubishi outlanders so they can get away from it all.... out into the wilderness... back to mother nature... with a GIANT subwoofer....

Avon can fix the economy. Lost our job? Try Avon. Husband killed himself as a result of the global financial crisis? Try Avon.

Buy Lipton tea, and African children who are attractive and wearing western clothes will be given a new tap, and you'll also feel good, for some reason, despite the fact that you don't get a free tap. What's up with that??! YOU bought the tea, not the attractive African lads and gals... why do THEY get the free tap?!?! I WANT A TAP!!!

Having Foxtel installed makes you an idiot (but then again... perhaps he was an idiot already...)

Silver stops you from sweating. No joke, apparently there is silver in this crazy new deodorant, and it stops you from sweating... If I'm super rich, can I buy deodorant with platinum in it??

The abortion diet

Above is a screenshot of an ad. I took it a few weeks ago. You've seen similar. There is one rule you must obey, and you'll get a flat stomach, you'll get a boyfriend, you'll get married, have kids, your life will be fulfilling etc etc etc... All you have to do is enter your credit card number here.

Anyway, I was looking at this advert, and I had a thought. The woman in the "before" picture looks PREGNANT. Seriously, I'm not saying fat, I'm saying pregnant.

So the good news. You don't have to enter your credit card number, and become the victim of online-weight-loss-fraud. You can just ask me, I know the secret to a flat stomach. Abortion. Removes infants and leaves you with that flat stomach you've always dreamed of!!

Advertising fail.

Swine flu

So yeah, apparently I have it. The doctor is reasonably sure I do, I wont be 100% sure until sometime next week... but it is hiiiiiiiighly likely.

So I've been stuck at home feeling crap since Tuesday. How does swine flu feel? Just like normal flu. Don't believe the hype. Nothing special happens. I have not yet vomited up a pig (although I am still holding out for that... it would be awesome.... especially if it comes out yelling "four legs good, two legs bad").

However, swine flu appears to have affected my taste in music. Well, being sick I suppose, not specifically swine flu... I've spent the week listening to Cat Stevens, which is something I rarely do. I broke out an old Jet album, and I found this crazy Brazilian group called "Escarlatina Obsessiva", who are reasonably good. When I get back to school, I shall distribute their music to all interested.

In other news, being sick all the time is severely reducing the remaining available time for buying formal shoes. Every time I am going to go and do it, I get sick. Chest infection, then swine flu.... I'm wondering what is next? Perhaps I shall contract SARS before next weekend. I would just get a cold or something... but the thrill has worn off... Swine flu ruined regular diseases for me. Once you go pandemic, baby, you'll never go back *wiggles eyebrows mercilessly*


In other, other news, my room seems to be filled with ants. I have no idea how all of these bugs keep getting into my house. At certain times every year, the house fills with bugs. Most of the time, no bugs. Occasionally.... zillions of bugs. They all seem to gravitate towards the bathroom, where they proceed to get stuck in the bathtub, or rinsed down the shower drain.

Which makes me think, which would be a worse way to die? Trapped in a gigantic white basin until you starve or dehydrate, or flushed down an endless slimy tube, by a giant naked woman wielding a shower-head? Both are reasonably odd, but which is the more horrific option?

A side-effect of school

I've been trying to decide on a poem to use for my photostory later this year, and in the process I've encountered some interesting poetry. I think that occasionally I shall place some of this poetry here, on my blog. If I come across something particularly good, here it shall end up.

Anyways, a poem by William Blake, entitled "A divine image".


Cruelty has a human heart,
And Jealousy a human face;
Terror the human form divine,
And secrecy the human dress.

The human dress is forged iron,
The human form a fiery forge,
The human face a furnace seal'd,
The human heart its hungry gorge.

Angry vs Happy

The battle for the universe!!!

Or not. Maybe just for me. Or not. It's not even a battle really... I doubt even a punch shall be thrown. Perhaps Angry and Happy will even go and grab a beer afterward.

Anyways, you may be wondering what this is about. It's about myself, my angry outbursts, and, surprisingly, Dennis. Bet you didn't see that one coming. Dennis recently composed a rant consisting primarily of happy. He stated:

"That was my extremely-good-mood rant, and it felt better than every extremely-bad-mood rant I've ever done put together."

(Sorry for quoting you without asking Dennis...)

This made me think. All of my blogs seem to be angry outbursts about things. I have these little (or not so little) angry outbursts happen to me every 30mins or so, on average. Sometimes more, sometimes less. In short, I appear to be a very angry person. I wondered if Dennis was on to something.

So I started thinking about myself being angry, and myself being happy. I have decided that I am actually a happy person, despite what my frequent explosions of irritation may suggest. I enjoy just existing, I don't have to be doing anything specific to enjoy myself. My happiness and enjoyment are not reliant on other people. I can make myself happy, and it doesn't take much.

Now for my anger. I have decided, although I'm not sure how correct this is, as I am full of bias, that I am not actually "angry". I get angry at things, but not to the point where I really upset myself. I get angry at some things to help me process them I suppose. Being angry at a news article allows me to rant about it aloud, which can sometimes invite feedback from others, helping me figure out things I may feel about the subject, that I am not aware of yet. Also, speaking things aloud makes it easier for me to figure them out, and figure out how I feel.
My anger also sometimes provides humour for myself. If I make jokes about something completely awful, it helps me talk about it and think about it without becoming incredibly distressed. Humor is, for me, a thinking tool.

All of this does not sound particularly healthy, but I think that is because it is all very tricky to write. I really think I haven't said what I mean at all. However, I have come to a decision about my personality. I say decision, yes. I haven't changed, I know, I'm not saying I am deciding to *do* something, I just don't analyze my personality very often, so when I say I am 'deciding', I mean I am deciding how I am, in the way you would look at an apple and decide that it is red. I have decided that I am not as angry and formidable as I thought I was, I'm actually a happy person.

New and improved ME!! Now with 20% less wrath!!

Kyle Sandilands = douchefaggery to the extreme

This Sandilands fucktard should be fired. Fired, where his bad hair, flabby chin(s), irritating woman-voice, and stupidity can no longer melt the brains of radio-listeners and television-watchers Australia-wide. Wow... that was a lot of hyphens.

Seriously... Sandilands is like a rash. A bad rash. Just when you thought he was gone, he's back, and more irritating and flaky than ever.

Kyle and his sidekick, the ever-blonde, ever-annoying, ever-pretentious, Jackie O-blivious, once again made jackarses out of themselves. I thought the Frenzal Rhomb incident made them look as stupid as they possibly could. Apparently not. They have a segment of their show where they hook people up to a lie detector, and reveal their secrets. Tasteless, but fair enough, IF the participants are consenting adults. In this case, the participant was not. A 14 year old girl was brought in by her mother, a horribly nosy woman who wanted to know if her darling daughter was shagging. Apparently, this woman is such a bad parent that she has no idea what her daugher is up to, and instead of simply asking her, sitting down for a mother-daughter chat, she has to hook her up to a lie detector on LIVE RADIO. Seriously, what a loser of a parent. If the only way you can discuss issues with your daughter is this, you are what I like to call a BAD PARENT. BAD, BAD, BAD. YOU DO NOT DESERVE CHILDREN. YOU OBVIOUSLY HAVE NO IDEA HOW TO CARE FOR THEM.

Anyways, the mother is not the only irresponsible one here. If a mother came to you (not in that way, Brodie), and said she wanted to know if her daugher was fucking, so she wanted you to hook her up to a lie detector and ask her personal questions of a sexual nature on live radio, would you do it? No. IRRESPONSIBLE. Or, in other words, ASKING FOR A LAWSUIT.

Continuing on then. Sandilands and Jackie O-bnoxious hook up the child to the lie detector. They ask her questions about drugs and sex, until the girl breaks down and admits that she was raped at age 12. The mother KNEW this. BEFORE THE INTERVIEW. If you know your daughter was raped in the recent past, you might guess that putting her on live radio and grilling her on her sexual behaviour MAY lead to adverse psychological effects, such as a breakdown. Maybe this might humiliate her, you know, having ALL OF AUSTRALIA. Revealing her rape to the world may have terrible effects, and CONTINUING TO QUESTION HER after she has revealed this information is possibly the most irresponsible behaviour possible in this situation.

This is all made worse by the fact that the girl OBVIOUSLY did not want to be there. She stated that she was scared, and that she did not want to be there, or partake in the activities. The response? Jackie O-bdurate laughed at her.

Could things get worse? Yes. Jackie O-bfuscate and Kyle Sandilands absconded themselves of all blame. None of it was their responsibility, apparently.

I am unspeakably mad. I hope both of them lose their jobs, and I hope Jackie gets fat.

*angry face*

Medical student syndrome

Self-diagnosing, ahoy!

Anyways, in the psych exam today, I had an epiphany of sorts. Cognitive dissonance.

I think it is maybe a contributing factor to my emotional state at the present. My behaviour is very out of whack with how I feel. As I said, I am not entirely sure how I feel. There are several different feelings I am feeling at once, and in an attempt to behave in accordance with all of them, I have ended up behaving in a way that is in accordance with none of them.

Even if I figure out how I feel, I will still be acting in conflict with aforementioned feelings.


So I'll end this post on that cheery note.

So you think you can remain focused in an exam?

So did I.

Imagine shag carpet. Imagine it brown.

Imagining? Good.

Now imagine you are taking an exam. A 3 hour exam. 10 minutes in, you notice that this shag carpet is GROWING ON THE BACK OF THE PERSON SITTING IN FRONT OF YOU.

YEAH. THAT'S RIGHT.

So anyway, I couldn't concentrate. He kept moving, and I kept wondering if it was because there were living creatures taking shelter in the hair on his back.

Which one of these blog posts doesn't belong?

I'll give you a hint... it's this one.

Normally I blog about lovely random things that I hear on the news, or that pop into my head in conversation. This blog is about emotions, specifically, mine. I will probably cringe at this tomorrow morning (if not sooner), and delete it. However, at the moment, I feel like writing it out. I think it may give me some clarity, because at the present, things are a jumble, like when you have long hair and you sleep with it down, and then wake up in the morning with impossible knots.

Anyway, do you ever feel as if you need a completely objective observer to step into your head and sort things out for you? By things, I mean how you feel. When I said inside of my head, I really mean inside of my head. If you were watching this from the outside, you would be of no help. You'd need to know exactly what I was/am thinking, which even I don't know. Grrrr. Having a god would be so handy right now, especially an Old Testament kinda god, who talks back and sends fiery chariots and such. I don't feel like catching a bus today... god, can you send me a flaming chariot? Thanks a bunch!

Anyways AGAIN, I need something that sorts thoughts. A thought sorter. Try saying that 10 times, really fast!

I seem to be feeling a lot of things at once, which seem to be conflicting with each other, leaving me with absolutely no idea how I actually feel, or why. The stress I have at the moment (thanks, exams!) is doing nothing to help the situation, it's acting like a catalyst of sorts. I have a feeling that if I was a "good person", I would know what is the "right" thing to do, and I wouldn't be obsessing over the things I am obsessing over.

Anyway, the whole thing is rather vexing. Irksome. Perplexing. Stressing. Whatever. I think I'm doing a fairly good job of remaining cheerful and regular, but it is quite a bit more difficult than usual.

This didn't really help much at all.

Homosexuality leads to the destruction of society

Just now, I was talking to someone who made the claim in the title of this blog. Homosexuality leads to the destuction/collapse of civilization.

I totally agree with him. Remember when the fags sacked Rome? I sure do.

Britain? Totally not as strong as it used to be. Know why? The fag rebellion of '98....


*stifles laughter*

Fire-people update

Alright, an uptade on the fire-people from Victoria. Or should we call them the whiner-people... or the PMS-ish-woman-people....

I was watching the news last night, as I tend to do. The inquiry about the fire is still going, and apparently, a large percentage of the calls to 000 went unanswered. People are whining about it. I wonder why it is.

OH YEAH, I KNOW. Maybe it was because the whole goddamn state was burning, and a relatively small number of people are manning the phones, and driving the firetrucks. Seriously, do you think that the people at the emergency services are sitting around playing cards?!?! NO. They were busting their arses trying to help all of you, and as they aren't in infinite supply, there were delays. Do you seriously think they can be in all places at once?! You're confusing the firemen with JESUS!!!

Seriously, stop your goddamn whining. They did their best. Next time they should just not show up, we'll see how many of the calls are answered then.

Tards.

Evidence of how wasteful and stupid western society is

Can you tell that I'm not having a good night? It's 10:40 and I've already posted two angry blogs, if you include this.

Our society produces such pointless products and we convince ourselves that we need them.

Bendy rulers. wtf? I mean really, are you going to rule a straight line around a corner?? And even if you are going to, it's not like the ruler bends at a right angle!! It just bends a little bit!!! What can you use it for!!!?!?! WHAT?!?!?!!! Nothing.

Chasers

They poked fun at some sick kids. Boo-fucking-hoo. Have a cry, seriously.

The reason they do it is to get ratings and such. If you don't like it, and want to ensure they are no longer on the air, don't watch their show and bitch about it! The controversy is what makes them great. I mean, they thrive on it, so giving them more is detrimental to your cause, no?

Fucking idiots. Really.... That's like giving Paris Hilton attention in order to make her humble.

Censorsh*t

Is it not odd that you can rent a movie, and in that movie watch a man rip out another man's throat, but the nipples in that movie will be censored....?

Or you'll watch television and people are shooting each other, but the nudity is censored... I was thinking about it and I find it odd. Our society seems to have a warped sense of what is obscene.

What is worse? Shooting a man in the face, or being naked? Which of those things do you do more often, shoot men or be naked? I bet the answer is being naked (if it isn't, I worry about you...).
What has the most serious consequences, shooting a man in the face, or sex? I think shooting a man in the face does. Legally, mentally, physically, and all the other words that end with the letters -ally.
Which option is the most natural, pumping some guy's face full of lead, or nipples?!?! I would hope the answer is nipples, because otherwise there is something wrong with me.

Should this not be the other way around? Wouldn't it be better to be ensuring violence is on television later at night and violence in movies earns them a stricter rating, instead of a naked human body?

The whole thing confuses me greatly. I think that a lot of our societies problems stem from this issue. Not the issue of nipples on telly, but the issue of sexual repression. The issue is, in my eyes, that violence is seen to be acceptable, and necessary, while sex and the human body are seen as something to be ashamed of. I think if we could reverse this view, the world would be a much, much, MUCH happier place.

Anywho, fare thee well, I must depart and finish my human awareness essay.

death and taxes

The more I read about tax, the angrier I get. Maybe I should talk to someone about this, I mean, I don't even pay taxes for god's sake, and I somehow find myself in a state of aggravation over it.
Anyway, more about why I am angry (my, this blog is good for venting... it seems to be all I do...). Say I am a lazy bum. I do nothing all day (not far from the truth). I have a menial job, because I dropped out of high school and didn't bother to get a higher education. I pay a minuscule amount of taxes because I earn virtually no money, because I couldn't be assed making something of myself.
Now, a different scenario... I am rather wealthy. I finished high school, even though it would have been more fun to go off and have fun with my friends. I worked and put myself through uni. Again, it would have been easier to not do uni, but I did it. I am now a super-awesome-mega-ultra-über doctor of AWESOME, and I have to pay 40% of my goddamn awesome money as taxes.
Is this fair? I know I have made some generalizations here... I know that some poor people can't help it, and some rich people are only rich because their mummies and daddies made it so, but still.... Why should someone be punished because they have made a lot of money? They most likely work for that money, why shouldn't they be able to enjoy it?

I think that people have issues with the rich. I admit I am sometimes guilty of it too. There are a small number of people who are very rich, and they are easy to blame.
"ohh these big corporations..."
"ohh damn those CEO's, how dare they EARN money!?"

It's not as easy to actually look for the base of our issues, and find out that they are our own damn fault.

Give those poor rich people a break, eh?

I hate you all

Ohkaay, so....

I hate you all. Not you. You are nice. Just all of you bushfire people. Well... not all of you... I'm sure that some of you aren't JERKS....

You had a massive bushfire, I get it. Really. The firefighters came and tried to put it out, and yeah, it might have taken a while in places. You know why? IT WAS A GODDAMN BIG FIRE.
So yeah, why the heck are you all complaining that emergency services didn't do a good enough job??? They were there, weren't they??? They were risking their lives to save your ungrateful arses, and you COMPLAIN ABOUT IT. OH MY GOD, what if they had just left you to die??? A lot of them were volunteers, in fact, my friend went there as a volunteer. He could have chosen not to go and let you all burn, but he, and lots of other people like him, went to try and help you. Why the hell are you complaining about the job they did? If you don't like it, how about next time WE ALL LEAVE YOU TO BURN?!?! Would you like that you whiny-bushfire-people?!?!

I mean seriously, if anything, the emergency services should be complaining about you! You're the ones who didn't clean your gutters, leave when you were supposed to, or follow their directions!!

Jesus H. Christ... I want to kill you all....

09 Budget

I will have more to write about this later, I just have something I need to rant about right away. Something that really, really bugs me, and I'm not sure if it should. I feel like a horrible person for talking and thinking like this but....

Pensions....

Old age pensions....

I mean, I don't want to leave old people out in the street with no food and such... but.... just because you are old... does that justify making young people pay for your stuff? I mean, everyone now is expected to pay super to look after themselves later, and fair enough. Why should everyone else have to look after you just because you didn't plan ahead? How is it fair to everyone else?
So yeah, I don't want to have old people with no money, but I think it is awfully unfair to everyone else.

Also, in this budget they have INCREASED pensions. I wouldn't object so much, except they really can't afford this. They are saying that they can, because of the gradual increase in the old-age pension age, but I don't quite buy it.

Grr thanks a lot Wayne Swan, now I feel like an old-people-basher.

Atheism

If asked my persuasion (spiritually speaking), I tell people I identify as an atheist.

However;

Recently I have been thinking about this. I suppose my atheism depends on your definition of god. If, by god, you refer to the christian god, or allah, or zeus, then I suppose I must identify as an atheist. however, if you definition of god is the universe, or existence, or nature, then I may not identify as atheist, I may identify as agnostic, or a believer (somewhat, this is difficult to explain the specifics of this without a long, verbal rant, and violent hand-gestures).

So after all of this thinking, and some discussion with Dennis (the minister for Dennis) and Ben (who was looking rather devious today, I must note), I have decided that I may have to re-label myself as agnostic. Crazy huh?

Then again... Hrmmm... Not sure about this...

I shall get back to you.

The object of my disgust today;

The "judges" on that masterchef television show. Now, I don't usually watch shitty reality television, or whatever it is the kids are calling it these days, but the television happens to be on, and I happen to be in the area. I can honestly say that if I saw them in the street, I would harass them. The only reason I would not physically harm them is I would not want my hands to come into contact with their flabby selves.

Honestly, must they be so rude? I mean, sure, they are judges, they are there to judge you, I know. However, taking the food of a hopeful young person, wishing to be a chef, putting it in your mouth, and then spitting it out to show how badass you are is not a nice thing to do.

Neither is standing next to people and laughing at them while they are trying to make important decisions.

Or purposely attempting to devalue them as a person.

Grrr.

Airline fat tax

Apparently, Australian airlines are proposing a 'fat tax'. They already make you pay extra if your bags weigh too much, and now they want to make people pay for their total weight, bags and bodies.

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/asia-pacific/7090529.stm

Personally, I think this is a good thing. I mean, if someone is going to take up twice the space, twice the food, and is going to take more energy to transport, why should they pay as much as someone using just the regular amount of resources? I am totally agreeing with this.

Maybe I am biased. I don't know. I think it's maybe because I had to sit next to a morbidly obese person for hours on a plane, and his stomach rolls were slopping into my seat.

eh.

My stalker

Yes, that is what I'm calling him now. I looked up the word 'stalker' in my wonderful dictionary, and the definition is as follows:

"a person who harasses or persecutes someone with unwanted and obsessive attention."

I think that fits. Really. I used to catch the bus at a decent hour. Now, I have to catch a bus that leaves before 7:00 (that's right folks, 7:00 AM), JUST TO AVOID HIM.
After he gets off the bus, he walks to another bus stop and then catches another bus to school. When he catches my bus, he walks 15 minutes or so extra, just so that he can walk with me. What the hell is up with that??

It's not like I'm imagining this, other people have even noticed that he stares at my chest and/or arse when he talks to me. Sure, that's the way to a girl's heart... ACT LIKE A CREEP AND GIVE HER BREASTS THE EVIL EYE!!! WOMEN LOVE THAT!!!

*shudder*

I would tell him to stop it, but he is so sad. Sad as in pathetic, not depressed. Everyone laughs at him for being such a douche all the time, and he looks like poultry. I feel sorry for him, and therefore I would feel bad telling him to piss off.... Grrrr.....

banana butt

I was watching that atheist nightmare video again, and a strange thought occured to me.
Before I continue, I shall elaborate on this supposed nightmare that all atheists have, just in case you don't already know. Atheists have nightmares about bananas. This is because we know that bananas prove the existence of the Judeo-Christian god, and make atheists look like tools. Bananas fit into people's hands, and into peoples mouths. This is absolute proof that bananas were created by god, and evolution/the big bang/anything else that seems like it might have something to do with atheism- is wrong. That's the general idea anyway.

Now, most people do know that bananas are domesticated. Humans bred them to be what they are. Wild bananas, or, the bananas created by 'god', are not exactly compatible with the human hand, or mouth for that matter.

Anyways, that is not what I was thinking about. I was thinking about the argument used in the atheist nightmare video. The banana fits in your hand, therefore it is meant to go there. The banana fits in your mouth, therefore god wants it to go there. A penis fits into an arse, but god isn't so keen on that. But why? The penis seems... shaped to fit into an arse. The writers of the bible therefore are obviously mistaken, god wants us all to buttfuck!!
Also, when you think about it, bananas fit into the anus also. If something fits into my hand or mouth, god MUST want it to be there. I'm sure that acid would fit nicely in my mouth, god MUST have designed acid specifically for this purpose, right?

So yeah, you can probably tell that I found their whole argument silly, and I don't really have nightmares about bananas. They aren't remotely scary.

Save the planet

Let's face it, we are fucking up our home. It kinda stinks, no? Want to do something about it? I do... But those solar cars are so goddamn expensive....

The answer? CLAM POWER!!!1!11one!!!1

Know how clams move about the place? They suck in water and then shoot it out and propel themselves along.

Everyone should buy a clam. A huge clam. Biggest clam you can find. Heck, let's give HGH to the clams to make them ginormous! Sit in the ocean on your clam, in your clam saddle with your clam harness and clam helmet and elbow pads and wait... In no time you'll be shooting off to god-knows-where!! Sound exciting?

I mean, sure, cars are more accurate. If you want to travel to aunt Sophie's cottage, a car will get you there first time usually. A clam could shoot off in any direction whatsoever, it might take you 50 years to get there, you might die before you reach your destination, but that's all part of the fun!! It's a small price to pay for saving our planet, right??

This kind of reminds me of those energy-saving light bulbs. Sure, you can have a regular light bulb that works fine, but you're a horrible person. On the other hand, you can have an environmentally friendly light bulb like the one in my bathroom, and you will have virtually no light until it's warmed up, which will take 70 goddamn hours, and when you turn it off, the light will glow a freaky green for 5 more hours, so if it's in your bedroom you have fuck-all chance of sleeping.

On second thought, fuck the planet. I'll move to Mars. The god, not the planet.

Is this some new fashion or what?

Everyone is tearing the labels off of their soft drinks now. Why?

Is it fashionable? Are you all ashamed of what you are drinking? Don't you want people to know that you're drinking diet coke?

I am actually rather confused about all of this. Isn't it just a waste of time? Why does everyone do this? It's absolutely crazy. It doesn't make you look cooler, it just makes you look like you've had the drink for the past 5 years, and it's all flat and gross and the label has fallen off.

Puzzled....

Pray for me...

I have an english presentation today that I haven't done... And my teacher is a... well, thats best left unsaid.
Also, I'll give a shout out to someone called Jacob... I think. I forget what his name was... but apparently he may read this at some stage... whoever he is...
A word of advice Jacob, if you ever find yourself trapped in a shitty twilight book, and a girl called Bella is hanging around, shut her down real quick. She's a stupid, stupid excuse for a book character.

Boots.

A failed blog attempt. Also, this appears to be either blue and underlined, or a link.

I've failed.

Formal dress

I'm going to buy a formal dress sometime in August or thereabouts. Early August or late July. Just in case I gain a million-billion-gazillion kilos before then... Imagine how annoyed I would be if I bought the dress now and then had to develop last-minute anorexia in order to wear it....

I'm proud of my level of achievement

Good news everybody. No, I'm not a character on futurama, but I did eat a whole whopper today. With cheese.

I've never managed it before, and I feel rather proud of myself. Of course, I'll gain a gajillion-zillon-bajillion kilos, but heck, it was wonderful.

Possibly the best thing I've ever eaten. The burgers are better at Hungry Jacks.

Bullshit in the simplest form

I hate hearing the christians argue that their god gave us all free will when they hear the accusation that he is a bad guy. I am truly sorry to have to rant about this, but I hear this too much, and I need to make this clear.

Your argument has a somewhat large hole in it, and that hole is hell.

If I put a knife to your throat and say "I'm asking you to give me that necklace. You don't have to, you have the free will to decide not to if that is what you desire, but if you don't give it to me, I'll slit your throat and leave you bleeding in the gutter.", you technically could say that you have free will to make the choice, but really, you have to admit that there isn't much of a choice. God, if he were real, would be doing the exact same thing with hell. He gives you the choice, you can love and worship him, or you can decide not to. It's your choice. However, unless you chose what he wants you to choose, you will burn in hell for all eternity, subject to torments the human mind cannot imagine.

Now, what was it you were saying about free will?

Lunacy

I've been pondering something for quite a while now. It's not anything particularly tricky or impressive, just a small problem for my small mind to grapple with this lonely weekend.
The pondering has been related to this question;
Christians and Jews have a very similar religion. They believe in the same god, however the Christians believe that the messiah has come, whilst the Jews do not. The Jews follow the old testament, and the Christians follow both the old and the new. Both groups have similar views and beliefs. I am not suggesting that they are the same, merely that they are similar.
However, despite these similarities, it seems that there is one fundamental difference. Christians seem to have a great number of... well... nuts amongst them, where as the number of complete and utter psychos in the Jewish population seems to me to be, well, less. I know, I know, they are bombing the shit out of innocents in Gaza, but aside from that, the general Jew population seems rather pleasant. The Jews that I've met respect the religions of others, they respect the political beliefs of others, and they make really nice cakes. However, the Christians that I've met/conversed with seem to be an insane lot (*note, this does not apply to all Christians. I know some of them who are excellent people that should inspire us all). They hound people of other religions, even people who are Christian also, but of a different denomination. They harass others constantly, they try to infiltrate the government so as to take away the freedoms of others, freedoms that they consider 'un-biblical'. They interpret their book selectively, so that the blame rests better on the shoulders of others. They then cry persecution if people don't do exactly what they say.
The Jews don't seem to do any of this on a regular basis. They are so similar, yet they differ in this. Why? I believe that I may have the answer.

The holocaust.

Jews don't persecute frequently, because they know what it is like to be persecuted. This isn't Christian delusions of persecution, but the real thing, and it wasn't very long ago.
Christians have been persecuted, yes, but not en masse for a while. The Colosseum of Rome has faded even beyond memory, it has become a story. The holocaust is fresh in the mind of the Jews. Christians can persecute, and cry false persecution because they do not know true persecution, and therefore can persecute without true understanding. The Jews don't cry persecution, because they remember persecution, and they know it from simple disagreement.

Just my two cents. I had nothing to do.

*smiles*

Today has been possibly one of the best days ever.

Alright, it hasn't been as good as all that, but it has been a pretty darn good day.

In the morning, I went for a jog. A really long jog. And it wasn't too bad. At lunch, I ate possibly the most awesome sandwich ever, lettuce, tuna, tomato, mushrooms. mmmmmmmmm.

I had a friend here with me, and we had the house to ourselves, so there's no doing stuff that other people want us to do. A relaxed schedule in other words.

And tonight, we are going to an advance screening of a movie...

:) Today really is quite nice. And to top it all off, at the present there is hommus.

Loser of the month

The award goes to a Mr. Ron Heather, a bus driver from England.

Most people have now heard about the atheist advertising campaign in England at the present. There are adverts on buses, payed for by the British Humanist Society, that state "There probably is no god". These adverts are completely legal. Religious advertisements are almost everywhere, and are tolerated, but as soon as there is an advert for atheism, its WRONG.

Anyways, Ron shows up for work and sees the ad on the side of his bus. He flips, or, gets his knickers in a twist as the British say. He refuses to work, and goes home, because the adverts offend him and are an attack on christianity.

Hang on...

An attack on christianity? I'm pretty sure the ad just says "there probably is no god"... I don't recall reading the phrase "there probably is no christian god". This is yet another case of christians running about, pretending that they are persecuted. The bible said that one day they would be persecuted, this hasn't happened yet, so they feel the need to invent some persecution for the attention, and also to feel as if their book isn't complete and utter rubbish.

2nd place losers are the Christian voice pressure group. They think the ads are wrong, and the humanist society are evil heathens with beards and tiny forks who live in hell and want to lure your kids into a homosexual lifestyle.
Also, they claim that it is illegal to advertise things that are lies, and saying that there is no god is a porker. There is a mountain of evidence of their particular god, such as how pretty flowers are (I'm not making this shit up). However, there is no evidence for anything conflicting their particular god, therefore, atheists should just go away!!! *puts hands over ears* *closes eyes* LALALALALALALALALALALALALA